desmondax

hey, wtf man. I owe you all one ah? why the hell are you all scolding me for nothing? you all got no wrong? wtf is wrong with you all?

Pissed off.

She's got me heels over head. thinking and thinking and thinking.

Alright. yesterday was great. early morning, went Geylang Lorong 24 to eat Prawn Mee with my mum, sister, auntie and uncle. The prawn mee is fabulous. super nice. after that we all went to the chinese service. and MY AUNTIE RECEIVED CHRIST! hehe. this is a very good start. afterwards, we went to eat Wanton Mee, also very nice. haha. afterwards went NTUC to buy ingredients for a BIG steamboat. went home to prepare and everything. and my whole family including Eric ate the steamboat. not bad, quite nice. after that, we celebrated my niece's birthday. wonderful. next saturday or sunday, my mum and auntie and uncle will be coming down again. Praise God.

days or weeks since i posted. well, got a few details to type out now. alright. FIRSTLY, i feel that God is really very good! basically, He made me pass all my modules. i skipped Programming for 9 times, by right is confirm fail one, but He let me pass. See! He is very good la.

SECONDLY, I'm super addicted to Tchoukball. seriously it rocks. and next wednesday, my school will be having a friendly match with Temasek Poly. wa, very nervous. i heard they are very strong.

THIRDLY, i have been told i will be in involved in the Christmas Musical Drama. wa, this one even more nervous. MUSICAL DRAMA leh. that means must sing liao lor. Derrick is the scriptwriter, and he told me he will put more lines for me. jia lat liao lor. scared sia.

FINALLY, i'm having vocalist training currently. so it's really good. haha.

BUT, overall, i still thank God for all that He's providing for me. by being happy with the small things, He has given me big things. thank God. truly.

It's my birthday! haha. happy birthday to myself.


but even though it's my birthday. sometimes i fear the day my birthday comes. BECAUSE THAT"S THE DAY WHEREBY I REALLY KNOW WHO CARES AND WHO DOESN'T. lol. but also good la. then i can refrain myself from these people already. got good things then come, no good things then run. nevermind. BUT THANKS TO THOSE THAT REMEMBER. =) i will never forget all of your kindness. haha. thanks !!!!

ah, i feel so not myself. damn, what am i doing huh? i feel like scolding every vulgar that's within my knowledge. serious. damn it. my mind is a mess. i feel like posting, but i don't even know what to type down. darn it. I feel like "un-plugging" myself. zzz. seriously, i just feel like crap now.

Hi all. as my title says, i am indeed tired.
Physically : Monday went out early morning to secondary school for teacher's day celebration. after that, went to vivo city, to watch Final Destination 3D. 3D leh, must focus my eyes like mad. Tuesday went to gym, after lan a little, and then went to play basketball all the way till night. Wednesday, Tchoukball and then cell group. Thursday, went out again. Friday decided to stay at home and accompany mum.

Mentally: I strained my eyes too much, i think about things too much.

Spiritually: I'm losing momentum. sometimes it's just about pride that i refuse to bow down to God, Himself. how annoying this cycle is, fall down, pick yourself up, fall down, pick yourself up again. it just keeps going. well, not everyday is sunday, not everything goes your way. i will see how it goes. i'm sick of giving up. i'm sick of asking for forgiveness from God whenever i sin against Him BECAUSE i know He will forgive me. No, i don't want this. i don't want to feel the conviction but yet shun it away and do different kinds of things. it's really tiring.

My life, not stable enough.

What am i doing? am i not a Christian? and I'm around cursing and swearing, bad-mouthing like no-body's business. ah, so typical of the world i see. that's how the world goes. and i fall completely into it. how foolish and immature i see. as i sit down in-front of my laptop, thinking, how many people have i offended, and how many people i resent. how am i suppose to reach out? I don't even do devotions consistently. this is wrong. all wrong. I can't call myself a christian when what i do, is no different from the world. though i can spot my mistakes, but it's the pleasure of the world that holds me back. i will change myself. that's a decision. not an impulsive one but a decisive one.

"Fear not, for I am with you." Says the Lord.

whew, finally, end of semester. Feel that a whole bunch of "paperwork" had been done. well, look forward to the next semester with classmates. This semester's classmates ain't bad. but i hope the next one will be better. alright, today, is seriously, the day that i really went in deep to the question given and studied it and came out with a answer. by myself! with no one helping me or anything. i feel a sense of achievement. haha. kinda proud of myself. heh. okay, let's see, nothing much to blog about i guess. i seem to be forgetting what i should do and what i should remember. hah. well, nevermind, i guess i will remember when the time comes.

school has been boring for me. totally no motivation to do anything regarding school. zzz. now then i feel like reaching out to people. but i kinda feel that it is a little too late. but no matter, nothing's too late. there's still time. next tuesday will be the last day of school already. quite happy. but i need to get a part time job soon! anyway, i had cut my hair, and i realised i look better with shorter hair. haha. long and thick hair makes me emo and very hot, as in i feel very warm. lol. so ya. hmm. there's something that i want to say suddenly, which i realised recently.

- Those people that says life is boring should really see how life really is. because life to me, is exciting and filled with adventure.
- People complain times and times about their life and how their parents nag at them, but have they realised how much effort and pain their parents went through to let their children have a good time.
- people who says, for example; "This game is boring, i won't wanna waste my time on it." when the game is really pretty fun and enjoyable. they are just scared they won't be able to play well, they will humiliate themselves. it's actually easy to see whether a person is good in certain things.

well anyway, that's abit of my discovery. so yea.

-- I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice. This time i must set my goal. Not to be overcome by temptations and pleasures of the world. No more making mistakes and asking for forgiveness. this cycle must be broken.--

hey there, whoever reads my blogs.been pretty long since i last posted. i was sick the whole last week. I still am! having cough, nearly 2 weeks already. and having a shortness of breath. if i walk too fast or run, i pant easily. that's bad. it may mean that i can't do any physical activity for long! sigh, how's my life? great i guess. through this days. i know who i can really depend on, and who i definitely can't. close friends or not, i have decided to be straightforward and strict with my life. i don't wanna hang around too much with people who are dead in spirit and always giving negative comments about people's dreams and goals. some people have the attitude of " if i'm going down, i'm pulling others with me" kind of attitude. please, get lost. i don't need this kind of friend. i'm serious. i hate this kind of people. Perhaps i should type it in an informal way. if you want to come and pull people down in their faith and passion, please kindly get lost. if you want to die, then die. don't pull me or anybody else along with you. what kind of sick joke is this? hey, i don't mind helping you, i'm sure anyone else won't mind helping you. but firstly. are you even helping yourself by letting us have a chance of helping you? NO you are definitely not. sorry i have to be straightforward, i can't bring myself to say it to you face to face. as much as i hate your attitude, i want to help you. close friends, ya. we are. but i simply believe that as years go by, we won't be close if you continue to put yourself in a way like this. there's a phrase call " Get a Life" please do so. sometimes i can tolerate your nonsense. but not everytime. people have their limited patience. and i'm reaching my limit soon. dont be surprised if i just walk away when you decided to put me down. or i just suddenly scold you.

i dare not share my dreams and goals to those people i hang around with. rather, i share to people which i don't always hang around with. because, the people you hang around with, will seem to laugh at your dreams. funny, the closer they are, the more casual it gets. and they don't take you seriously.

feeling kinda up and down this few days. i totally lack enthusiasm in almost everything. but hey, i'm still looking forward to ROMP! haha. gonna join the milk drinking competition. hehe. i'm currently at my sister's office. haha. she's doing things for ROMP! while i'm playing around on the net. hmm, anyway, about my week, i totally couldn't be bothered with my school. or anyone else. i feel that my attitude this week caused some people to shun away, or maybe i'm being paranoid? ah, whatever. this week, is terrible. it's not good. definitely not good. funny how i hear people say, this and this, who and who are their good friends and all. and i begin to think, so who's my good friends and all? actually i also don't know. those that i hang around alot, i just realised i don't really understand them well. well. i guess, you can count those that i share things with, and talk to more, my good friends. my best friend? perhaps, no one's there yet. lol.

I just want to share to someone i trust, please don't turn away from me.
you might get sick of hearing from me, but, please don't turn away from me.
I will be appearing weak before you, please don't turn away from me.
It makes me feel better to share to people, so please don't turn away from me.
I just need a listening ear, please don't turn away from me.

Yea, back to post more of my week. It's weird actually, i used to have lots of energy only at night, but now, i feel energetic in the morning and afternoon. but very tired at night. i don't like sial. anywhere, monday was fine, I got an A for science. =) tuesday didn't go to school, didnt felt like going. wednesday had maths, smoked through. had test also, SUPER easy. hahaha. thursday had enterprise, easy also. today had programming, smoked through again! haha. i've been smoking through alot of lessons. during cell group, we shared which part of our lives should we make a difference. i thought of my campus. i should stop smoking through lessons. haha.
okay, having muscle aches now. i played badminton yesterday. wa, really never exercise for very long. well, the badminton games were kinda fun. Qiqi and friends all quite good sia. haha. I'm just a beginner. lol.

well, to be honest, God's been good to me, everytime. I'm listening to Hillsong's new album recently, it's good. nice.
there's a part in one of the song that sings " Great is Your name, Jesus, the First and the Last". i don't know why, when i heard this part, i had chills on my spines and my hair stands. when there's chills on my spines, and my hair stands, it's a good thing. which also mean that it moves my heart. hahaha. yea. signing off here.

Ah, how do i say, today is a great day. lol. Well, wanna thank some of my friends who really helped me with my difficulties and struggles. thanks. they know who they are. such great encourager. haha. lets start with today's prayer before service. it was terrific, though i went late, i could still sense W.A.D ministry being united. which is great. later on in the service, sang praise and worships. i haven't been feeling well this past few days, tightness in my chest, difficulty in breathing, but that didn't stop me from praising God the fullest. though i was out of breath for a few seconds, but as long as i still have one last breath, i won't stop praising God. never. =) I remember the lyrics for The Time Has Come, which is definitely what i want to proclaim. I'm focusing more on the Pre-chorus, chorus and bridge.

Pre-Chorus:
The time has come, to stand for all we believe in.
So I for one am gonna give my praise to You

Chorus:
Today, today is all or nothing
all the way
the praise goes out to You
Yeah all the praise goes out to You
today, today i live for one thing
to give You praise
in everything i do
yeah all the praise goes out to You

Bridge:
All we are is yours
All we're living for
is all You are
Is all that You are, Lord.


How wonderful and majestic is His name, i will lift my hands high above and sing his praises all day long.

back for most posting. hmm, kinda miss secondary school days, spending times with my very close friends, i call them my brothers. =) i still do now, just that haven't have enough time to hang out. during secondary school, it was the most enjoyable time in my life. slacking in school, sleeping in class, flunking exams but manage to promote myself. haha. by God's grace eh. and i suddenly remember my NAPFA test results.
had silver award from Sec 1 - sec 4, but finally gotten a Gold for sec 5. stupid 2.4km run. i have no stamina one lor. zzz. here's the results=

Shuttle Run - 9.7sec
2.4km - 12.38mins
Pull Up - 7
Standing Board Jump - 257
Sit And Reach - 42

well, overall, I'm pretty proud of my results. haha. dominated i guess. lol. hope when i enter army, i can do better than what i did during sec 5. now i can run faster, i bet i can jump further too. but stamina's still a problem. oh well, getting back to how i spent time with my brothers, some people may say we are wasting time, and are scums of the society(Si Wen Bai Lei) but how wrong they are. We didn't do anything wrong to the society.  We went through thick and thin, fire and hell together. we know what kind of friends we are. we can clearly see who is of us and who is against us. we can even spot hypocrites easily. ah, secondary school days. how wonderful. i don't really like poly life. so boring, classmates ain't as fun as secondary peeps.

Well. first time using Live Journal. sounds stupid. but my friend convinced me of using Live Journal instead of Blogger.
lets see, been 2 weeks after my water baptism? things started rushing to me. so many problems. firstly, my close friend died, when i heard the news of his death, i couldn't help but feel grieved for being unable to see him for the last time. time isn't on my side. i wanted revenge. but i know it isn't right. all i can think now is "damn it".  secondly, family except my second sister has been pushing me to sign on to Army/Navy. i totally don't want to get bonded. I refused to sign time and time again, but they just won't listen. they would give me different reasons why i should sign on, why i should consider about the family. but they can't force me to do things that i don't want to do right? seriously, all i can think of is "damn it". I need strength, God. how can i run through this race alone? I need concerns, yea i do...